Directed by Chris Weitz
Starring Robert Patinson, Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner
Although it's a thinly veiled metaphor for homosexuality ("It's not a lifestyle choice, Bella, I was born this way" he says, about being a werewolf), Jacob's story is actually quite interesting. His struggle is compelling and intriguing. The problem is we don't see it. He disappears, Bella is told he's sick, and the next thing you know the animators (certainly not future ILM employees) are turning him into a wolf. It's a missed opportunity, but I understand the need to keep the focus on Bella's morose, depressing, ungrateful attitude. I guess.
The third act of the film is a tad more exciting than the previous hour, in that the characters are actually going places and doing things. Alice (the outrageously gorgeous Ashley Greene) finally steps into Bella's life after she tries to kill herself by jumping off a cliff. Alice informs Bella that Edward is going to kill himself by revealing himself to the human race, thereby upsetting the Volturi (briefly described in heavy handed exposition earlier in the film as a group that keeps the vampire race in line) who will then snuff him out. Edward believes Bella to be dead, therefore he just can't live anymore (*GAG*). So Alice and Bella race to Italy where Dakota Fanning, as one of the Volturi, gets a cameo (in a role I can only assume grows in the next installment or two, as I'm at a loss as to why they would give such a small part to such a high profile name) and Michael Sheen out-acts the entire cast in 10 minutes. Once there, badly-cut action ensues, laughable dialogue is spoken, and our two leads get to look nauseated while kissing each other again.
The Twilight Saga: New Moon isn't as flat and non-compelling as Weitz's previous film The Golden Compass was, but it's pretty close. It's a ridiculously banal and charmless movie that appeals to our most shallow and base senses. Oh well. At least it'll introduce millions of young tweens to Thom Yorke.
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